in an instant

       the eggshells that tickled and

pricked my bare feet

                   become shards of glass

              from the mirrors that shattered

from the violence

in your eyes

a killing violence

         i witnessed a timeline that was

my slaughter

        i witnessed the hatred in your eyes

        i witnessed the possession

walking on your tippy toes

levitating above the glass

      and within the onrush of a fracturing            memories of every moment that made

me love

you flooded my mind

paralyzation seized me

                  frozen masks

                  naked faces

                  silent screams

​

i broke

    from your knife or mine

    i do not know

    you made us both into pain

    both into killers

i died

​

you lost your mind 

​

​

another love is knocking on my door

           tentative and gentle--an 

unhaunted love

curled up on the floor, i quiver and rattle

    overcome with a sadness of what 

i've done

        what i allowed to happen

    i let you submerge my head underwater

        decieve me into a willful killing

             only the broken or naive believe

the fantasies 

                           of a trickster 

                 and i was both

i died in this house of horrors,

           my blood stained to the floors, my 

dreams the shattered mirrors

    an unhaunted love cannot resurrect me

    only pain runs through my veins, laces

my breath

          i bleed agony 

          i cry storms

          my tears are poison

i cannot open the dorr to an 

unhaunted love

    i want to let him in, feel his 

warm embrace

       but i have been made into thorns, i 

can only impale

        i have been made into pain 

reincarnate

                            and i cannot burn him too

                            i desire to evaporate, to

disintegrate into particles smaller than dust

                              to be swept away by the

ocean's dissolving embrace

                             to disappear into nothingness

where i can no longer harm

but i cannot

                           and i cannot haunt

the unhaunted

                           so, i consent to 

haunting myself 

​

                            i conjure an apparition of

the one you once loved

and broke

                            i let her wander the 

corners of my mind 

                                  where she hums 

songs about you 

                            i learn to desire her 

melodic whispers, 

                                she makes a home

behind the wallpaper, between the 

floorboards, in the remnants of ruined furniture and broken glass 

                                                     her voice,

haunting and beautiful,

riddled with pain, anger, and heartbreak

                                             captivates me

                                                she stops

the clocks

                                              i fall in 

love with her

​

my eternal ghsotly companion 

whose haunting turns the crippling pain

into the slow and more blissful drip 

                of melancholy 

​

​

​